An interview with Jessica Aronson, LCSW-R | By Michal Goldman, LCSW
At J. Aronson Therapy, the clinical focus is deeply rooted in helping individuals understand the connection between trauma, eating disorders and one’s relationship to their body. With an emphasis on compassionate, trauma-informed care, Jessica Aronson supports clients in unpacking the underlying experiences that shape their relationship with food, body, and their sense of self.
In this conversation, we turn toward an equally important—but often underexplored—dimension of healing: intimate relationships. Michal Goldman, LCSW, specializes in trauma-informed couples therapy, helping partners navigate the complex ways that unresolved trauma shows up in connection, communication, and emotional safety.
This dialogue highlights the powerful intersection between individual healing and relational work. While eating disorders are often treated at the individual level, both clinicians share an understanding that recovery is deeply influenced by the relational environments in which people live. Together, their work reflects a shared commitment to creating spaces where both individuals and couples can experience vulnerable emotions and learn how to co-regulate.
Q1: Your work focuses on trauma-informed couples’ therapy. How do you see eating disorders showing up within relational dynamics?
Even though I don’t usually treat the eating disorders directly, I often see its impact within the couple. Eating disorders don’t just affect the individual—they shape communication patterns, emotional availability, and the overall sense of safety in the relationship.
From a trauma-informed perspective, many of these behaviors are adaptive responses. In a relationship, they can be misunderstood. Partners may feel rejected and interpret withdrawal, rigidity, or control as disconnection rather than as coping. My role is to help couples reframe these patterns so they can respond with understanding instead of reactivity.
Q2: From your lens, how does trauma influence the way partners relate to each other?
Trauma shapes how we experience closeness, vulnerability, and even conflict. Many individuals develop protective strategies—like shutting down, over-functioning, or the need to control which made sense in earlier environments and often creates friction in adult relationships.
In couples work, we look at how each partner’s nervous system responds under stress. When one partner is triggered, it often activates something in the other. Without awareness, this can create cycles of disconnection. With a trauma-informed approach, we slow that cycle down and build new patterns rooted in safety and attunement.
Q3: For clients working through eating disorders, what role can a partner play in supporting recovery?
Partners can play a significant role—but only when they understand what they’re responding to.
Often, partners feel helpless or try to “fix” things, which can unintentionally increase shame or pressure. What’s more helpful is learning how to be present without taking over—to offer consistency, emotional attunement, and curiosity rather than control.
In my work, I provide psychoeducation and help partners develop tools for co-regulation to support social safety. Helping partners understand the complexity and multiple factors at play empowers them to support their partner without feeling fully responsible for the eating disorder.
Q4: What are some common relational patterns you see when trauma and disordered eating intersect?
A common pattern is misalignment: one partner may pursue connection while the other withdraws. The eating disorder can amplify this dynamic—creating more distance, secrecy, or tension around control.
Another pattern is emotional misattunement. Partners may be responding to behaviors rather than the underlying emotional experience. When we shift the focus to what’s happening beneath the surface—fear, shame, vulnerability—it opens the door to a very different kind of connection.
Q5: How do you help couples move toward greater understanding and connection in these situations?
We focus on building a shared framework. When both partners understand trauma responses and nervous system states, they stop personalizing each other’s behaviors.
I also guide couples in developing new ways of communicating—slowing down conversations, naming emotional experiences, and practicing co-regulation. These skills help create a sense of safety, which is foundational for both relational repair and individual healing.
For many couples, this work becomes a turning point—not just in managing challenges, but in deepening their connection overall.
Q6: What would you want someone in a relationship impacted by an eating disorder to understand?
You’re not alone—and this is not just about willpower or communication skills.
There are deeper systems at play, often rooted in trauma, distorted beliefs about food and body image, and a rigid coping style. When couples begin to understand that it shifts the dynamic from blame to curiosity.
Healing becomes less about “fixing” each other and more about creating a relationship where both people feel less threatened and remember what brought them together in the first place. Their defenses soften and they begin to communicate in a more open and honest manner.
Shared Mission
Michal Goldman, LCSW specializes in helping couples at all stages in their relationships. For more information, visit her website at michalgoldmanlcsw.org
